New song/ word sketch

2 am and I'm still awake

Staring at the shadows on my walls

Sometimes it feels as though fate has it in for me

Is that just how it goes? Well I suppose...

They tell me everything happens for a reason

I'm not sure that's true

Nothing has led me back to you

I still see you everytime I close my eyes

I still imagine your hair brushing my face from the pillow next to mine

I can't help but wonder where you are or what you're doing now

While I'm doing without

The clock ticks slowly by

But dreaming seems nowhere in sight

With eyes wide open and heart shut tight

I never thought life could be this hard

All alone screaming at the stars

Just me and this old guitar

I still see you everytime I close my eyes

I still imagine your hair brushing my face from the pillow next to mine

I can't help but wonder where you are or what you're doing now

While I'm doing without

So don't you dare tell me

That this was meaningless

Because we both know you're a liar

Yeah we both know you're a liar

Shut up, you don't have the right

To apologize for this

Because we both know you're a liar

Yeah we both know you're a liar

Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs/ and sit alone and wonder/ how you're making out...

Sometimes I really get this burning desire to write something. I don't know what I want to write about, or who I'm writing for, so I'm going to insert the easiest answer to both of these questions as I can muster: ME.

Living in NC has been challenging on all levels thus far, and it doesn't really show signs of getting any easier. I've left all of my friends behind in the city that I so deeply fell in love with to live in my parents basement and work a job in retail. My car is continuously falling apart, and I have very little money and even less opportunity to do anything worthwhile. All of this is very trying. Though I have had a couple of ventures back into dating, there's been nothing even remotely substantial so far, and so I find myself retreating further and further into my own thoughts. Those who know me well know that this can be a rather dangerous situation...

I had the opportunity to attend the evening services at the youth camp that my old "church" was putting on this year. Surprisingly enough, amid technical mishaps and closed minded comments from members, it was a satisfying and uplifting experience, and was exactly what I needed on the spiritual front. I am very thankful that God can move in our lives in spite of ourselves and those around us.

That being said, I still find myself feeling purposeless, with no vision or direction to call my own. For the first time in my life I have no dreams, no ambitions or goals. It all seems so vain, so empty...

I know that I have been blessed with many things that others do not have. I have people literally all over the US who care for me. I was able to obtain and maintain steady employment in the midst of a dark economic downfall. I have a God that calls me His son, His heir.

Long suffering is the most difficult Fruit to obtain.