And Summer's Love Song Will Play Into Our Ears

Standing on the porch bidding farewell to the summer is one of my favorite moments of each year.

A new realm of employment has presented itself in the form of selling cell phones at Best Buy. I was offered the position over a week ago and I am still waiting to start. No good.

My friend Sally, along with the band Calrensau, are opening for Needtobreathe tonight. I'm very excited for them.

As part of my attempts at living a healthier life, I am now two weeks into the South Beach diet, and so far, I'm a pretty big fan. 14 lbs lost so far.

"It's not easy, but we'll keep breathing"

It is most certainly no secret that I am a failure at keeping up a personal blog. A culmination of the lack of time, motivation and creativity make it so that writing a journal entry is a very stressful experience. All of that to say I'm sorry it's been so long.

Life as I know it is changing once again. Hannah is moving into her own apartment in Greensboro next week, and I have recently decided that I am going to attend the audio technology program at Guilford Technical Community College, which means that I too will be moving to Greensboro in the future. In contrast, the company I work for just picked up another contract, so from now until at least november I will be in a different city every week. I have finally quit smoking for good, thanks to the help of a little device known as an electronic cigarette, which mimics the act of smoking but only actually produces water vapor.

Oh, and I have developed a new found love for appetizers.

Song sketch "stormy skies"

There's a mother
Staring out the window of her little house on Maple street
She is crying
Crying cause her baby ain't coming home

There's a mother
Bleeding her heart out on the pavement of Maple street
She is dying
Dying cause her baby ain't coming

Well they told you but you didn't listen
They told you but you didn't listen
Don't you wish that you'd listened

Can you see those stormy skies rising up on the horizon
Lightning flashes like headlights in your eyes
And can you hear the rolling thunder
Shake the earth just like a car crash on highway 65

And when you dream, dream big, as big as the ocean blue. Cause when you dream it, it might come true

Growing up, I always had dreams. Dreams of being famous, dreams of living in fabulous places, dreams of making a difference in the world. I often joke, now, that corporate America is to blame for the killing of my ability to dream big. The almighty American dream, to have a steady job and a house and a nice car, has never really appealed to me, yet I find myself working towards it more and more as I grow older. I've traded my dreams of musicianship and writing and charity for the reality of blue-collar labor to keep collectors at bay.

In recent conversations, one seemingly obvious point seems to be drilling itself into me: The only thing keeping those dreams from becoming reality is me. There is nowhere else to lay the blame.

French author Victor Hugo cites: "Each man should frame life so that at some future hour fact and his dreaming meet."

In my last post, I gave a list of certain goals I have for 2011. Allow me to add another; 2011 will be the year I begin framing my life for the success of my dreams.

What dreams are you holding on to? How far are you willing to go to obtain them?

So spin your web and trap me in, like spiders on the treeside

Quoting my own song. Is that vain?

I'm writing this while sitting in a coffee shop in Charlotte after an impromptu trip to Boone, a trip that resulted in a girlfriend. Last week, I did a job with Tractor Supply in Columbia SC. The week before that, I got a car worth driving without going into debt.

Sometimes, life becomes almost unbearably awesome.

2011 is shaping up to be all that I had hoped. I'm still not certain where I'm headed or what the future holds, but I am certain that I will make the best of all that I'm given. With that said, I thought I might share a portion of my near future goals.

-Go back to college and actually finish this time
-Finish my solo EP
-Start another band
-Get my own place
-Blog more
-Find a church that not only preaches and believes the word of God, but lives it out in the community

My final goal is a life changing one: To come to terms with the fact that God is an impossible God, who is not limited by our own impossibilities. My prayer is that I could live out a complete, outright and bold faith, believing that absolutely nothing is impossible.

Song sketch

I can't remember how it felt
To fly with you
Next to the stars we'd lay but you always
Stole the view
Looking down my feet are on the ground
I want so badly to move
But you've got me glued

So spin your web and trap me in
Like spiders on the treeside
Drifting slowly on silky strings of
Lies and love and sweet thoughts

Whispering quietly
So as not to disturb the air
You're leaving me breathless with the way
The wind plays with your hair
I'm fairly sure that stunning is a word
They created for you
I'm holding on to nothing
You've got me glued

So spin your web and trap me in
Like spiders on the treeside
Drifting slowly on silky strings of
Lies and love and sweet thoughts

Thoughts are getting tangled
I'm coming undone
I can't escape this delicate intricacy
You've spun

Weep for yourself, my man, you'll never be what is in your heart

So as it turns out, I'm a failure at blogging. I just can't find anything compelling to write about.

2 weeks ago, I went to a job in Concorde, working with a crew that was turning a Napa into an Oreilly store. It was hard work, I'm not gonna lie, but it was fulfilling work. The team leader told me later on that they were looking for people to do this full time, and that I had made the cut. That was the last I heard from them. So now I'm sitting around waiting on a phone call to tell me my next move.

Lots of good shows coming up. I'm definitely excited about that. Dashboard, Iron and Wine, Ben Folds, Explosions in the sky. Good stuff.

Amazing still it seems I'll be 23. I won't always love what I'll never have. I won't always live in my regrets.

"23" by Jimmy Eat World. Fitting, no?

Birthday recap: Road trip, coffee, catching up with old friends, crazy good guacamole, sleeping on couches, free chick-fil-a sandwiches, aquariums, speaking in ridiculously phony accents, BWWs, cheesecake, Prank calls from a future Dr. Knowles, saying goodbye to my city, JimmyEatWorld, Midnight Diner, buying clean water for the less fortunate...


It's been a good time.

Here's hoping for a good year to come.

You’ve got to give the people what they want, rockstar

Blogger's built in stuff has gotten a lot cooler in the last 4 years.

I expect feedback and suggestions on the design.

I said yep, what a concept, I could use a little fuel myself and we could all use a little change

Smash Mouth, anyone?

I'm considering a design change to the blog. Any layout suggestions? I built this design in '07, and I think it's time for something new.

If we are the body, why aren't His arms reaching?

Ok, here's the deal. I have a birthday coming up (February 4th) and I am requesting the biggest birthday present of all time.

I want you to build a well in Africa for people without drinking water.

Sounds pretty impossible, huh? Well, how 'bout this, then? Go to this website and give twenty dollars. Twenty dollars. Surely I'm worth twenty dollars to you. You spent more than that for dinner the other night.

Twenty dollars.

Check it out, though. $20 can give one person clean drinking water for 20 years. Did you catch that? Your dead president will change the life of one person.

There are nearly a billion people on planet earth without clean drinking water. That's 1 in 8 people globally. These people are dying from diseases that we don't really have to worry about. These diseases breed in their water.

So please, give me the greatest birthday gift ever, and let's change the world for good.

I've been searching for a loophole, wondering how I can live both Your way and mine

If you ever want a really depressing night, read old blog posts while listening to an album written by a friend you haven't seen in years. Nostalgic sentiments do strange things to the soul.


This evening, I want to take a look at, in my opinion, one of the most difficult passages of Scripture in the New Testament. Most of this is self-explanatory, but I do want to make note of two things in this chapter:

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you."
- I have seen and worked for so many "ministers" who make it a point to exalt themselves. Their main focus is getting ahead, getting to the top, being top dog. The harsh reality is, after those men are gone, no one will remember them. No one will remember the witty things they said or the great donations they made publicly to charity. Give it several years, and their names will be all but meaningless. The name of Jesus, on the other hand, has the power of eternity. Moral of the story? You're worthless in the face of eternity without Jesus, so take a reality check and come to the point where you can lay down your pride for the sake of the Kingdom. Once you've reached that point, God can use you in ways you never thought possible.

"Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?"

- At first glance, this passage seems to fly in the face of Paul's admonitions to abolish sin within the body. How can you do that without judging them? Reverend Ron Daniel says this:
"...the Greek scholar Spiros Zohiates sheds some light on this mystery. He writes that the word for "one another" actually "refers to the person and not to the actions of that person." In other words, it is not wrong to say, "He said this and it was a lie." It is not wrong to say, "She did this and it was immoral." But it is wrong to say, "He's a liar through and through." Or, "She is the epitome of carnality." You see, when we do that, we are going beyond judging the actions, and we've begun to judge the person. God alone is able to judge the person, we cannot. We can know what actions and words are sinful, but we cannot know the heart of a man."*
*©2006 Ron Daniel - Any distribution not for profit is permitted


James 4 (English Standard Version)

Warning Against Worldliness

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, "He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us"? But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

Boasting About Tomorrow

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit"— 14yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. 15Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." 16As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

So goodnight, blue eyes, I'm here by your side, This is how we work our knuckles to the bone

Kudos to anyone who recognizes that lyric.

I need an album to fall in love with. Not just a "hey this is a good album", but a "hey, this album is completing my life right now" kind of record. Haven't found anything like that in a while.

Speaking of, the first album I can remember being like that for me was Jimmy Eat World's "Bleed American" in 2001. 10 years later, I'm finally going to go see them in concert. I just printed my ticket, and I am stoked.

I am still in desperate need of gainful employment. I don't really care too much what it is, my only stipulations are a somewhat consistent schedule and being payed real money (as opposed to gum, or goats.)

Found a new album from an old favorite band that I didn't even know were still around. The Wedding's new EP is surprisingly good.

Gold teeth and a curse for this town were all in my mouth

Kind of on a Shins kick lately.

I've spent the last several days fixing stuff at the church and around the house. Haven't really done much else, except...

... I played a show. A real show. Yeah, the kind with people.

I actually just played backup for another guy, but still. It's a huge step for me.

I also went bowling, that didn't go as well.

And we become silhouettes when our bodies finally go

The Postal Service seriously never gets old.

I have spent all afternoon tracking computer problems. In fact, as I'm typing this (on the Chromebook) I have two other machines in front of me, one I'm tuning up and one I'm using to build a back-end for a VPN client. Geeky? I think yes.

It seems that, no matter how much volunteer work I take on or how much I get involved with, I can't seem to shake this feeling of worthlessness. Not in the sense of "my life has no worth", but rather, "my time is spent doing worthless things". I realize in many cases this isn't true, but sometimes it really gets to me. I read for almost 2 hours this morning because I couldn't find a valid reason to get up and moving.

On a brighter note, I have recently taken a liking to peach flavored teas.

We are the outsiders!

Love some NeedToBreathe.

Ok, so tonight at the UR was pretty crazy. We didn't have a band, but we had almost 40 kids come through tonight. The place was jumping, and it was awesome.

Every night at the UR, we have someone get up and give like a ten minute devotion. Well tonight, Nancy called on one of the volunteers, who wasn't really prepared to do any speaking. So he tells me that he's just going to let the spirit guide him. 15 minutes later he gets on stage and starts reading out of Matthew 19! (For context, see last blog post.) Coincidence? I think not.

In other news: Winter Jam is tomorrow, and I'm stoked.

Why do I tire of counting sheep, 'Cause I'm far too tired to fall asleep

Yet another round of insomnia. Yay.

I've decided that I am very sick of pop culture. All of the trends and fads, where you have to look a certain way, talk a certain way, act a certain way and like certain types of things or else people won't like you. Or worse, if you are so shallow, the wrong "types" of people may like you instead. The uncool. The socially worthless.

In his book "Searching for God Knows What", Donald Miller presents what he calls the "Lifeboat Theory." Essentially, he says, we act as if we are all in a lifeboat that is too small, waiting to be rescued, and this constant comparing of ourselves is to give ourselves some form of superficial worth so that, when it comes time, we won't be chosen to be thrown out.

This idea makes a lot of sense to me. Why else would we instinctively rate people based on their looks/clothes/car/wealth etc? Equality is rarely regarded as truth, and human beings throughout history have formed hierarchies of class based on certain meaningless criteria.

Miller also presents a theory that if an alien were to come to earth from some far off planet, he might see human beings like this:

"Humans, as a species, are constantly, and in every way comparing themselves to one another, which, given the brief nature of their existence, seems an oddity and, for that matter, a waste. Nevertheless, this is the driving influence behind every human's social development, their emotional health and sense of joy, and, sadly, their greatest tragedies..."

Miller continues with this theory in reference to Jesus, as well:

"It would be very interesting if Jesus, who said He was the Son of God, understood life on earth the same way the alien did. Think about it for a second. If Jesus were coming from a place where all emotional needs were met by God, His social economy would be as shocking and different as the social economy in the Garden or on whatever planet the alien came from. His values would be different and His personality would be different..."

He concludes this theory with "... He had no regard for the lifeboat politics you and I live within everyday. He believed a great deal of absurd ideas, such as we should turn the other cheek if somebody hits us, we should give somebody our coat even if they just ask for our shirt, we should be willing to give up all our money and follow Him, we should try our hardest to make peace, we should treat poor people the same as we treat the rich... He believed we should take every opportunity to fail in the lifeboat game, not for the sake of failing, but because there wasn't anything to win in the first place..."

I will readily admit that, in the context of the lifeboat theory, I constantly strive to be the guy nobody would ever throw out. Humility has never been my strong suit. I always have to be the best at everything I do. I surround myself with those that I believe will enhance my social status, and I have, unfortunately, been known to shun those who might impede it.

Let's see what Jesus had to say about social status... (Matt. 19:23-30, ESV)

And Jesus said to his disciples, "Truly, I say to you, only with difficulty will a rich person enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God." When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished, saying, "Who then can be saved?" But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Then Peter said in reply, "See, we have left everything and followed you. What then will we have?" Jesus said to them, "Truly, I say to you, in the new world, when the Son of Man will sit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.

So this is the new year/ Well I don't feel any different

Ahh, Death Cab...

So I've just gotta say that being unemployed sucks. Even aside from the money issues, I have never felt more useless in my life. I've got an application in at a nearby factory, so fingers crossed.

Actually, being unemployed kind of came in handy today. I got quite a bit done at Blaise that really needed to be done. I was sitting in a cramped office with three screens in front of me and techno playing in my headphones, trying to track down a network error. Definitely felt like home ;) (Michael Brazell, I know you know what I'm talking about.)

Sunday is winter jam. I'm pretty stoked about it. This is the first time in 3 years I haven't worked it, so I'm really looking forward to just going and enjoying it, as weird as it may feel...

What ain't we got? We ain't got dames!

Listening to an old Rat Pack album. Oh to have lived in the crooner era...

I had a conversation with a rather uninformed conservative yesterday, and it just reiterated for me the desperate state that the church is in. It seems as though tradition is much more important than scripture in many cases, and it's really starting to grate on my nerves. When will we, as the body, learn that our own ideals and man made laws will never prevail on the spiritual plane? It didn't work for the Pharisees, it didn't work for Catholicism, and will not work for American Protestantism. Period.

On another note: I really miss my city.